Faster than the blink of an eye, the glint of sharpened steel streaked through the shadows. With the sound of knives sheathing, all suddenly went dark for Goblin Lord, as his cleanly severed head slid off of his body.
The assassin’s victory was cut short, however, as the late Lord’s ogre mercenary had already begun a wide swing of the tree trunk he called a club. From above came a yell that could send the gods running in fear. A sudden burst of red mist appeared and dissipated in time to see the massive tree club flying safely away, the ogre’s arms still gripping it. The disarmed ogre stood in shock of the blood-covered, bastard sword-wielding barbarian before him. In one final slash, the ogre lay in two, perfectly bisected.
In a calm, but earth-trembling voice, the man spoke. “Nightshade. You were careless.” The significantly smaller assassin removed their hood to reveal a young elf man with flowing silver hair.
“Organoooo. How am I gonna have any fun if you kill everyone before I can even do anything?” The elf whined back.
“Your skills of diplomacy and subterfuge are more valuable than any combat prowess. Also I have like zero points in perception. I couldn’t see a trap even if it had a neon sign above it.”
Mako Mankanshoku held her chin in her hand, pondering the situation. “Yes! You’ve got a point. I am the eyes and brains of this operation, aren’t I, Ryuko?” She proclaimed smugly. “As the brainy leader, I say we go back to town and sell all of our loot.
Ryuko Matoi shrugged. “We did what we came here to do, so sure.” She turned to Gamagori and said “Organo wiped the ogre blood and guts off of his sword and started walking back to town.”
“Nightshade follows him!” Mako excitedly declared as she proudly marched in place.
Gamagori looked up from his dungeon master documents. “Nightshade and Organo make their way out of the goblin village and follow the road back to Besito Town.” He picked up a 20-sided die, stood up, and with a powerful grunt, he slammed it onto the table with enough force that it began ricocheting around the room before meeting Mako’s forehead and bouncing gingerly back onto the table. “A gang of bandits jumps out of the bushes and ambushes you both. What do you do?”
Ryuko rolled her eyes and slouched even deeper in her chair. “Organo yells to intimidate them.” She picked up one of the dice and casually rolled it onto the table.
“A three.” Gamagori declared. “With your +18 to intimidate, that’s a 21. The bandits soil themselves as they run away. You reach Besito with no further interruptions.”
Once in town, the pair noticed a large gathering of people in the central square. They could hear the strumming of a lute and a melodious voice rising above the crowd. It seems a bard was putting on a particularly engrossing performance.
Mako and Nightshade both squealed with joy at the sight. “Organo do you see how many people are there, only looking at the bard?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Think of all the gold I could pickpocket.”
Ryuko sighed. “Ugh. Fine. Just give me the goblin loot. I’ll go sell it while you level up your larceny skill or whatever.”
Gamagori’s face hardened as he turned to Ryuko. “Larceny is not a skill that exists in this game, and it is not leveled up in that way.”
“Ugh. Whatever. Organo goes to the store to try to pawn this junk.”
“And Nightshade pickpockets everyone in the square!”
“Roll Sleight of Hand.” Gamagori demanded.
Mako swiped a D20 from the table and wound up a baseball pitch. She let it loose and… missed the table entirely, instead hitting a frying pan hanging from the kitchen wall. The ricochet sent it back to the table, right in front of the sender. Gamagori’s attention was on the frying pan, however, as the impact set it wobbling precariously on its peg; the eggs for Lady Satsuki’s omelet rested directly below. He dashed to the rescue of the vulnerable ova, while Mako looked down to see the dreaded natural 1 on the die, surely guaranteeing a failed pickpocketing.
With Gamagori distracted, Mako knew what she needed to do. With one trembling finger, she slowly inched toward the die. A loud clang came from across the room as Gamagori’s head had saved the omelet-to-be. He quickly replaced the pan and hurried back to the table, just in time to see Mako leaning over the table with her finger millimeters away from the die that showed a flawless natural 20.
“Heh, heh. Look. I got a 20.” Mako said nervously.
His eyes narrowed into deadly daggers before shoving his face directly into Mako’s. “MANKANSHOKU.” He shouted. “CHEATING OF ANY SORT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.” Mako sank into her chair, terrified, his face followed her. “YOU ATTEMPT TO PICKPOCK THE CLOSEST PERSON. YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY DISCOVERED. THEY CALL YOU OUT AS A THIEF. THIRTY NEARBY PEOPLE ATTACK.”
Gamagori regained his composure and returned to his seat.
“Oh no, no, no, no. I’m so gonna die.” Nightshade began panicking as an angry horde began to descend upon him. “I’m sorry I won’t try pickpocketing again, I swear. I’ll even give back all the stuff I stole, pleeease?”
A sharp gust of air shot through the crowd and came to a rest between Nightshade and the angry mob. There stood Organo with is massive sword over his shoulder, looking down at his companion. As Nightshade opened his mouth to speak, the entire crowd burst into a shower of blood of gore.
“Here’s the money from selling the loot.” Organo tossed a satchel turgid with gold coins toward Nightshade. In the middle of the bag’s arc, however, Nightshade noticed something in the distance.
“Look out! There’s a wizard casting a spell over there!” He shouted, but it was too late. In an instant, the hulking muscle beast that was Organo had been transformed into a mere frog. Nightshade collapsed and gently picked up his froggy friend. “Noooooooo! How could I let this happen. My dear, sweet Organo. Without you I would have been dead a dozen times over.” Nightshade and Mako both were drowning in tears. They both mournfully declared. “I swear to you, Organo, upon all the gods and goddesses in the cosmos that I will find a way to remove this heinous curse.”
Ryuko started, “It’s not a big deal, I can j-”
Gamagori quickly piped up. “FROGS CANNOT SPEAK, MATOI.” Ryuko sighed.
“Uh… ribbit?”
“Wait! I think I got it!” Mako quickly perked up. “Isn’t there a legend that says the kiss from a prince can undo magical frog transformations? I’m a prince!” Mako whipped out her character sheet and pointed out the line in Nightshade’s backstory where he’s known as “The Prince of Darkness”.
“Don’t fret, dear Organo, I know how to save you!” Nightshade puckered his lips and brought the frog closer, as Mako, her lips also puckered, crawled atop the table toward Ryuko.
“What are y-” Ryuko began to say, until Gamagori shot her a look. “R-ribbit??”
Mako’s terrifying kissy face drew closer and closer until she was leaning over the edge of Ryuko’s side of the table, bracing herself with the arms of Ryuko’s chair.
“RIBBIT!” Ryuko leaned further and further back to escape the encroaching horror, until the tipping point was reach. She could feel the chair tipping slowly, but even her wild arm flailing and Mako’s force on the arms couldn’t stop it.
Ryuko went tumbling backwards, with Mako right behind her. She felt a small bump as she hit the floor and a much larger bump as Mako landed directly on top of her. Ryuko opened her eyes to see Mako’s face right on top of hers. Their lips were locked.
Ryuko sat there in Mako’s warm, moist, oral embrace, with the pressure of her entire body pinning her down. She tried to comprehend all that was happening. “Doesn’t this idiot realize I’m not actually a frog?”
A quick cough from Gamagori quickly brought Ryuko back. She leapt up, ripped Mako away from her face and launched her like a missile halfway through the wall to the next room.
“Organo returns to his original form.” Gamagori declared, as Ryuko picked up her chair.
“That actually worked?!” Ryuko said in disbelief.
“Woohoo!” Mako’s muffled yells could barely be heard through the wall she was lodged in.
“No. The spell only lasts for one minute.” Gamagori said, making Ryuko’s face go blank.
“I need some fresh air.” She said as she walked over to the door next to where Mako’s legs were stuck in the wall. In the moment Ryuko walked through the door, Mako’s continued triumphant yells could be heard clearly. Ryuko slammed the door on her way out, sending a tremor through the room. A moment later a wet splat and clang came from the far wall as streaks of egg whites covered Gamagori’s stoic face.
